What did the ref say to the chicken who tripped a defender? Fowl Why was the footballer upset on his birthday? He got a red card These and many more howlers to make you laugh even if we lose the Cup!!!

What did the ref say to the chicken who tripped a defender? Fowl! Why was the footballer upset on his birthday? He got a red card! These and many more howlers to make you laugh no matter how your team is doing!

They say it's a funny old game – well, it is now, anyway! This fabulously funny football joke book is a must have companion for all devotees of the beautiful game. With over 1000 mostly original gags, it's guaranteed to have you in stitches and choking on your half time cup of Bovril. Good, clean fun, it would be equally at home in the hands of kids or grandparents, while still providing ample ammunition to consign your mates down the pub to an early bath. All you need to do to become immersed in this maelstrom of madcap mayhem is find a quiet corner somewhere then slowly turn the page... Enjoy! The letterbox rattled and this eight foot length of six-by-four landed with a thump on the carpet. I shouted, the post has arrived, darling. I spotted Rio Ferdinand on his way home from the big game with a mannequin under his arm. I thought, whey hey, someone's sold him a dummy. Did you hear about the footballer who couldn't stop burping? It was a freak hic'. All this criticism of Rafa Benitez for playing a flat back four is bang out of order if you ask me. What else was he expected to do when his defence had just been run over by a steamroller? What did the manager of the Potato Growers' Association football team say during the half time team talk? It's all about Desiree... Sportsflash: Animal rights activists are camped outside Manchester United's training ground after it was announced Wayne Rooney has injured a calf. I've just turned down a dream move to Paris Saint Germain. I must have been in Seine. Rumour has it the manager of the TV aerial company football team resigned just before midnight. No doubt we'll get a better picture in the morning. We lost 1-0 to Battersea Dogs Home. Jack Russell got the winner. I saw this big, pink footballer, with yellow spots, and strands of hair combed carefully across his scalp. It was Blobby Charlton.

Your friends and family will be laughing—and groaning—each time you send one of these zingers their way! Every kid’s joke-abulary will skyrocket with The Biggest, Funniest, Wackiest, Grossest Joke Book Ever! We’ve combined our four best-selling joke books into this special hardcover collection. Hundreds of knock-knock jokes, one-liners, puns, and other groaners make this a must-have for any aspiring class clown. Family jokes, animal jokes, and gross-out jokes for every occasion are waiting for you in this book of silliness!

A perfect stocking filler, The Little Book of Christmas Jokes will keep little ones laughing until the turkey's roasted! Why did Father Christmas start sneezing as he went down the chimney? Because he had the floo! How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming? He looks at his calen-deer. Who is never hungry at Christmas? The turkey he s always stuffed."

Giggles, groans, and belly laughs, packed on every page. Kids can’t resist sharing jokes (even you try to stop them), so they always need a fresh supply. We’ve stuffed the pages of this little joke book with the funniest jokes we could find. Old favorites, new favorites, and a few festering stinkers—all guaranteed to make kids laugh out loud. You'll find Q&A jokes, knock-knock jokes, riddles, and one-liners. And, of course, we’ve included entire chapters of those all-time kid-pleasers: elephant jokes, pirate jokes, and space jokes. Here’s a sampling: What's black and white, black and white, black and white? A penguin rolling down a hill. Why don’t zombies eat clowns? They taste funny. Why did the hen scold her chicks? They were using fowl language. What kind of books do skunks read? Best-smellers! How does Darth Vader like his toast? On the dark side.

Make your friends giggle, guffaw, and groan with disgust at the funniest and grossest jokes ever! It's a 2-for-1 of epic proportions—this book combines our two bestselling kids' joke books! Do you know a kid who likes Q&A jokes, knock-knocks, puns, riddles, or one-liners? Of course you do! This collection has all that and more—over 900 jokes, actually. Perfect for boys or girls, it spans all kid-friendly topics, including fairy tales, animals, monsters, and disgusting jokes that'll make them (and you) want to barf. They'll laugh out loud at zingers like: Q: What do you call a cow with a twitch? A: Beef jerky! Q: Do zombies eat candy with their fingers? A: No, they eat the fingers separately. Q: What kind of life was found on Pluto? A: Fleas! And many more!

The Big Book of Football's Funniest Quotes is the most comprehensive collection of hilarious football quotes ever published. There are 1,500 quotes from players, managers, club officials, and the media. Fully revised and updated for the 2015-16 and 2016-17 seasons, it includes 150 new observations from football people who have still to learn that engaging brain before mouth might save them from looking and sounding rather foolish. Contains a foreword by legendary England goalkeeper Peter Shilton. No one can dispute that football has provided some of the funniest quotes (intentionally or not) in the history of sports--and The Big Book of Football's Funniest Quotes is the most comprehensive collection of these hilarious comic offerings. Compiled by avid quotation collectors Ian Spragg, Adrian Clarke, and Stuart Reeves, The Big Book of Football's Funniest Quotes is packed with an incredible 1,500 ridiculous quotes from and about some the most famous names in football, including Sir Alex Ferguson, Jose Mourinho, Ian Holloway, Paul 'Gazza' Gascoigne, and Eric Cantona. Bursting with confused clich�s, mangled metaphors, comic cusses, and idiotic football insights, this book really is the hilarious last word in funny football quotations. "What (John) Carew can do with a football, I can do with an orange." --Zlatan Ibrahimovic replies to criticism from the ex Norway striker. "It's not important how many faults you make in a game, it's important that nobody can remember after the game. If you win 4-0 but make four mistakes, no one will remember." --Jurgen Klopp

Bursting with brilliant puzzles, clever crosswords and hilarious jokes, this book provides the perfect way to pass the time during those boring 0-0 draws. Don't watch the World Cup without it! How do ghost footballers keep fit? With regular exorcise. Which football team never meets before matches? Queens Park Strangers.

"Inside you'll find more than 1,000 of the most hilarious jokes, riddles, and cartoon ever created--all specially curated by the editors of Highlights. This fully illustrated collection of fun guaranteed to cause a serious laugh attack--again and again!"--

An amazing collection of thousands of jokes - great for any occasions or just to get a great belly-laugh.

The biggest joke book on the market gets a ginormous companion! Just in case the massive collection of jokes featured in the bestselling The Biggest Joke Book Ever, No Kidding wasn’t enough, this hugely humorous companion includes more than five thousand additional goofy gags, clever comebacks, and treacherous tongue twisters along with riddles, one-liners, puns, and more. Up to date and brimming with hilarity, the contents of this indispensible comedy resource will have readers laughing nonstop.

A collection of jokes contributed by lawyers themselves, offers a humorous look at the supposed greed and amorality of the profession

Are you looking for a funny gift for your coworker? Look no further. This brilliant office gag gift will give everyone a big laugh and is sure to be a crowd pleaser. Perfect gift for Secret Santa, Christmas, or any special occasion (that involves your boss or coworker). Details: Stylish and Cute Notebook Journal To-Do Lists Notebook With 120 pages 6 x 9 inches - the ideal size for taking lots of notes while also easily fitting in your bag This Composition Notebook has a Matte, Sturdy Paperback Cover, perfect bound, for a beautiful look and feel. Can be used as a daily to-do list, journal to write in, composition book or diary. Click "add to cart" to get this gift and bring some fun to the office today!

The second edition of this indispensable guide to British (not American) football contains over 7,000 entries arranged in fourteen chapters. With greatly increased coverage of football films and music, every facet of association football from 1863 to the present is covered. Knowledgeable essays, reviews, and annotations guide the reader through the wealth of UK literature. This is a significant addition to the literature of association football, and required reading for collectors and fans of the game.