What did the ref say to the chicken who tripped a defender? Fowl Why was the footballer upset on his birthday? He got a red card These and many more howlers to make you laugh even if we lose the Cup!!!

What did the ref say to the chicken who tripped a defender? Fowl! Why was the footballer upset on his birthday? He got a red card! These and many more howlers to make you laugh no matter how your team is doing!

They say it's a funny old game – well, it is now, anyway! This fabulously funny football joke book is a must have companion for all devotees of the beautiful game. With over 1000 mostly original gags, it's guaranteed to have you in stitches and choking on your half time cup of Bovril. Good, clean fun, it would be equally at home in the hands of kids or grandparents, while still providing ample ammunition to consign your mates down the pub to an early bath. All you need to do to become immersed in this maelstrom of madcap mayhem is find a quiet corner somewhere then slowly turn the page... Enjoy! The letterbox rattled and this eight foot length of six-by-four landed with a thump on the carpet. I shouted, the post has arrived, darling. I spotted Rio Ferdinand on his way home from the big game with a mannequin under his arm. I thought, whey hey, someone's sold him a dummy. Did you hear about the footballer who couldn't stop burping? It was a freak hic'. All this criticism of Rafa Benitez for playing a flat back four is bang out of order if you ask me. What else was he expected to do when his defence had just been run over by a steamroller? What did the manager of the Potato Growers' Association football team say during the half time team talk? It's all about Desiree... Sportsflash: Animal rights activists are camped outside Manchester United's training ground after it was announced Wayne Rooney has injured a calf. I've just turned down a dream move to Paris Saint Germain. I must have been in Seine. Rumour has it the manager of the TV aerial company football team resigned just before midnight. No doubt we'll get a better picture in the morning. We lost 1-0 to Battersea Dogs Home. Jack Russell got the winner. I saw this big, pink footballer, with yellow spots, and strands of hair combed carefully across his scalp. It was Blobby Charlton.

A perfect stocking filler, The Little Book of Christmas Jokes will keep little ones laughing until the turkey's roasted! Why did Father Christmas start sneezing as he went down the chimney? Because he had the floo! How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming? He looks at his calen-deer. Who is never hungry at Christmas? The turkey he s always stuffed."

Your friends and family will be laughing—and groaning—each time you send one of these zingers their way! Every kid’s joke-abulary will skyrocket with The Biggest, Funniest, Wackiest, Grossest Joke Book Ever! We’ve combined our four best-selling joke books into this special hardcover collection. Hundreds of knock-knock jokes, one-liners, puns, and other groaners make this a must-have for any aspiring class clown. Family jokes, animal jokes, and gross-out jokes for every occasion are waiting for you in this book of silliness!

The Big Book of Football's Funniest Quotes is the most comprehensive collection of hilarious football quotes ever published. There are 1,500 quotes from players, managers, club officials, and the media. Fully revised and updated for the 2015-16 and 2016-17 seasons, it includes 150 new observations from football people who have still to learn that engaging brain before mouth might save them from looking and sounding rather foolish. Contains a foreword by legendary England goalkeeper Peter Shilton. No one can dispute that football has provided some of the funniest quotes (intentionally or not) in the history of sports--and The Big Book of Football's Funniest Quotes is the most comprehensive collection of these hilarious comic offerings. Compiled by avid quotation collectors Ian Spragg, Adrian Clarke, and Stuart Reeves, The Big Book of Football's Funniest Quotes is packed with an incredible 1,500 ridiculous quotes from and about some the most famous names in football, including Sir Alex Ferguson, Jose Mourinho, Ian Holloway, Paul 'Gazza' Gascoigne, and Eric Cantona. Bursting with confused clich�s, mangled metaphors, comic cusses, and idiotic football insights, this book really is the hilarious last word in funny football quotations. "What (John) Carew can do with a football, I can do with an orange." --Zlatan Ibrahimovic replies to criticism from the ex Norway striker. "It's not important how many faults you make in a game, it's important that nobody can remember after the game. If you win 4-0 but make four mistakes, no one will remember." --Jurgen Klopp

Giggles, groans, and belly laughs, packed on every page. Kids can’t resist sharing jokes (even you try to stop them), so they always need a fresh supply. We’ve stuffed the pages of this little joke book with the funniest jokes we could find. Old favorites, new favorites, and a few festering stinkers—all guaranteed to make kids laugh out loud. You'll find Q&A jokes, knock-knock jokes, riddles, and one-liners. And, of course, we’ve included entire chapters of those all-time kid-pleasers: elephant jokes, pirate jokes, and space jokes. Here’s a sampling: What's black and white, black and white, black and white? A penguin rolling down a hill. Why don’t zombies eat clowns? They taste funny. Why did the hen scold her chicks? They were using fowl language. What kind of books do skunks read? Best-smellers! How does Darth Vader like his toast? On the dark side.

Make your friends giggle, guffaw, and groan with disgust at the funniest and grossest jokes ever! It's a 2-for-1 of epic proportions—this book combines our two bestselling kids' joke books! Do you know a kid who likes Q&A jokes, knock-knocks, puns, riddles, or one-liners? Of course you do! This collection has all that and more—over 900 jokes, actually. Perfect for boys or girls, it spans all kid-friendly topics, including fairy tales, animals, monsters, and disgusting jokes that'll make them (and you) want to barf. They'll laugh out loud at zingers like: Q: What do you call a cow with a twitch? A: Beef jerky! Q: Do zombies eat candy with their fingers? A: No, they eat the fingers separately. Q: What kind of life was found on Pluto? A: Fleas! And many more!

Bursting with brilliant puzzles, clever crosswords and hilarious jokes, this book provides the perfect way to pass the time during those boring 0-0 draws. Don't watch the World Cup without it! How do ghost footballers keep fit? With regular exorcise. Which football team never meets before matches? Queens Park Strangers.

This 120-page Football Player Journal features: 120 wide-ruled lined pages 6 x 9 inches in size - big enough for your daily writings and also small enough to take with you smooth white-color paper, perfect for ink, gel pens, pencils or even colored pencils a black matte-finish cover for an elegant, professional look and feel This (Coolest Football Player Ever) journal can be used for writing poetry, jotting down your brilliant ideas, recording your accomplishments and much more. Use it as a diary or gratitude journal, a travel journal or to record your food intake or progress toward your fitness and life goals. The simple lined pages allow you to use it however you wish. Our journals to write in offer a wide variety of journals, so keep one by your bedside as a dream journal, one in your car to record mileage and expenses, one by your computer for login names and passwords, and one in your purse or backpack to jot down random thoughts and inspirations throughout the day. Paper journals never need to be charged and of course no batteries are required! You only need your thoughts and dreams and something to write with. This Football Player journal makes a wonderful present, so put a smile on someone's face today!

daily book, a nice, fun - this funny notebook is perfect and the best choice for your friend or coworker! This notebook helps plan goals, express thoughts, write new ideas, record daily activities, dates of meetings, events and errands or get rid of negative emotions and stress - writing helps!It is perfect for relieving stress and anger management. This is the perfect and inexpensive gift for Valentine's Day, birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas or any special occasion. This notebook will be a great gift for coworkers, bosses, businesswomen, family or friends. This is a perfect journal for you to take to your meetings. It will give everyone a big laugh. Specifications: Cover Finish: Matte Dimensions: 6" x 9" (15.24 x 22.86 cm) Interior: lined Paper Pages: 120 Perfect for personal use, or for your whole office. Get yours today! .......Inspirational Quote Journal, Notebook, Diary, Composition Book. Gift under 10 dollars.

An amazing collection of thousands of jokes - great for any occasions or just to get a great belly-laugh.

A big, bold, unbelievable collection of the world's funniest jokes! A hysterical collection of jokes, puns, and knock-knocks to crack up kids of all ages, this enormous book features all of the best jokes from the wildly hilarious Jokiest Joking Joke Book series. Accompanied by clever illustrations, these sidesplitting wisecracks will keep kids amused for hours!

A Unique and Meaningful Gag Gift for Sports Coaches! Cover: Soft Cover (Matte) Size: 6" x 9" (15.24 x 22.86 cm) Interior: Blank Wide Ruled Lightly Lined White Paper 108 lined pages (54 front/back sheets) This gag gift notebook, 6" x 9" Wide Ruled Line Paper with 108 pages (54 front/back sheets) is the best funny Gifts idea, perfect for writing notes or keeping a diary life goals and dreams, task list organizer, goal tracker, habit tracker and journaling. This 108 non-perforated pages composition notebook for Coach includes 55 college wide ruled line double sided sheets that is perfect as: -Funny Gag Gifts for Men, Women -Appreciation Gifts -Thank You Gifts -Inspirational Quote Gifts -Funny Retirement Gift

The biggest joke book on the market gets a ginormous companion! Just in case the massive collection of jokes featured in the bestselling The Biggest Joke Book Ever, No Kidding wasn’t enough, this hugely humorous companion includes more than five thousand additional goofy gags, clever comebacks, and treacherous tongue twisters along with riddles, one-liners, puns, and more. Up to date and brimming with hilarity, the contents of this indispensible comedy resource will have readers laughing nonstop.

Over 2,000 sporting funnies from every sport: football, rugby, cricket, golf, boxing, snooker and beyond... Two men fishing on a river bank in a canal in London on a Saturday afternoon miles away from a radio or TV. Suddenly one man turns to the other and says, 'Spurs have lost again.' The other man is astonished and says, 'How on earth do you know that?' The other man replies, 'It's quarter to five.' After the success of the George Foreman grill, Audley Harrison is launching his own toaster. The problem is it can only do four rounds. What does Steve Harmison put in his hands to make sure the next ball almost always takes a wicket? A bat

Best Football Coach. Ever This funny notebook is the best choice for your friend or coworker! Spice up your office with this hilarious gift notebook journal with a funny saying. Be inspired to write in this notebook every day and give your team workmates a laugh. This notebook helps plan goals, express thoughts, write new ideas, record daily activities, dates of meetings, events and errands or get rid of negative emotions and stress - writing helps! It is perfect for relieving stress and anger management. Start every day with a smile with this handy note book with generous wide ruled lines for noting meetings, to do lists, doodling, frustrating office events and gossiping about your coworkers. Working has never been so much fun. A great present idea for and employee, manager, co-worker or the big boss. This is the perfect and inexpensive gift for birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, Secret Santa, Mother's Day, or Father's Day or any special occasion. This is the perfect notebook to gift to yourself or a loved one on birthdays, Christmas, Mother's Day and Father's Day. Use the ruled pages for your favorite inspiring quotes and to record your goals and dreams. Handy to use at work, in your home office or sit on the beach and jot down all your achievements. Keep track of goals and record happy memories in this notebook. This notebook will be a great gift for coworkers, boss, business woman, friend or family. Sure to put a smile on their faces! This is a perfect journal for you to take to your meetings. It will give everyone a big laugh. Specifications: Cover Finish: Matte Dimensions: 6" x 9" (15.24 x 22.86 cm) Interior: White Paper, Lined Pages Pages: 110

Now a Hulu TV series starring Zoë Kravitz From the bestselling author of Funny Girl, About a Boy, and A Long Way Down, a wise and hilarious novel about love, heartbreak, and rock and roll. Rob is a pop music junkie who runs his own semi-failing record store. His girlfriend, Laura, has just left him for the guy upstairs, and Rob is both miserable and relieved. After all, could he have spent his life with someone who has a bad record collection? Rob seeks refuge in the company of the offbeat clerks at his store, who endlessly review their top five films; top five Elvis Costello songs; top five episodes of Cheers. Rob tries dating a singer, but maybe it’s just that he’s always wanted to sleep with someone who has a record contract. Then he sees Laura again. And Rob begins to think that life with kids, marriage, barbecues, and soft rock CDs might not be so bad.

“All I have to say about these songs is that I love them, and want to sing along to them, and force other people to listen to them, and get cross when these other people don’t like them as much as I do.” —Nick Hornby, from Songbook A wise and hilarious collection from the bestselling author of Funny Girl, About a Boy, and High Fidelity. Songs, songwriters, and why and how they get under our skin… Songbook is Nick Hornby’s labor of love. A shrewd, funny, and completely unique collection of musings on pop music, why it’s good, what makes us listen and love it, and the ways in which it attaches itself to our lives—all with the beat of a perfectly mastered mix tape.

A wise, hilarious novel from the beloved, award-winning author of Funny Girl, High Fidelity and A Long Way Down. Will Freeman may have discovered the key to dating success: If the simple fact that they were single mothers meant that gorgeous women – women who would not ordinarily look twice a Will – might not only be willing, but enthusiastic about dating him, then he was really onto something. Single mothers – bright, attractive, available women – thousands of them, were all over London. He just had to find them. SPAT: Single Parents – Alone Together. It was a brilliant plan. And Will wasn’t going to let the fact that he didn’t have a child himself hold him back. A fictional two-year-old named Ned wouldn’t be the first thing he’d invented. And it seems to go quite well at first, until he meets an actual twelve-year-old named Marcus, who is more than Will bargained for… From the Trade Paperback edition.